2008-01-03 - 2:58 p.m.
You know, maybe it is because I have a lack of trust because of my own mother and family? The truth is, I am a skeptic. Everyone that comes into my life has to prove themselves to me in some way or another so I can be certain that there will be no hurt in my relative future. But we can never really keep ourselves from hurt, can we?
I don't like my husband's parents. They live in Ohio and we are here. Before I met them, my husband loaded me up with stories from their past and told me how irresponsible they had been as parents. Having never met them and only hearing the stories, I drew my own conclusions.
His parents owned and operated a porn theater in the town where all the kids grew up. All of the kids worked there at some point or another as well. My husband was a projectionist as a teen. Can you believe that? Having five children, still in school, and having to go to school and have their teachers know where they come from and where they are going home to. I can only imagine what the parents in the community must have thought. Don't get me wrong, I have celebrated horizontally with some hot porn in my day, but this...this is different.
My husband's sister was molested by her own father for years. She is now a educated law school drop-out who looks worn from the life she chose to lead. I have met her once and she reminded me of my own mother. Skeevy.
I am glad they are as far away as they are and frankly, I don't want them any more in my child's life than they have to be. They try to be nice and send gifts and cards on holidays, but with every little thing they send, I feel dirty handling it and all I can think about is sticky floors on the bottom of a porn shop. I can't help it. I know me well enough to know that will never change. Nothing they could ever do or say will ever make me feel less skeeved about them or want to be near them more.
So, you see, there are many reasons we feel the skepticism in ourselves towards others, and unfortunately, the reasons keep coming.
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